The power of NO.

I’ve always known it instinctively, of course. We’re told. Well I was told in a TV ad after Grange Hill covered it ‘Just say no’ (to drugs).

But recently I’ve been practicing with my own life and talking, observing with my Therapeutic Coaching clients too.

And it works. Way more powerfully than expected.

Now I’m 51 I’m observing what I ‘go along with’. This is everything from, how we spend our days, to who I or we see, and what work I do.

In general I’m pretty good with clients and work. People come for ‘Chemistry sessions’ and we divide, but I decide first if o want to work with you. Now I know that if you’re in active addiction or have a Psychoatric condition the answer is no. But I also need to like being with you. It’s my time. And yes it is precious.

At best I have around 30 summers left, if I stay healthy, and alive. Days are precious to me. Time is more precious than money. Fact.

I will honour that.

So the same has gone for appointments. If I book a call and they don’t show up. It happened recently. We drive to a meeting, and she’d forgotten. The comms after weren’t great, and so that a no. We’re not aligned in our thinking.

When I’m buying clothes, a yes is the only answer. When I buy what I love and feel I deserve, I send a ripple through my life. A clear message.

If friends don’t make the time to call, or vice versa. There’s nothing wrong, but clearly it’s saying that we don’t appreciate each others time, and value that connection. And if this goes on for years, then why keep pretending. It might be that we’re in different places in life. That other things need or demand our attention. We may come back together in the future and hang out. But for now, that’s okay. Let’s call it quits.

Let’s make time for those that do care today.

I’ve observed clients say firm no’s to relationships when they’re not being respected or treated how they want to be treated. They’ve chosen new places to live when where they are isn’t giving them what they need ~ be it excitement, a change, connection, soulfulness, beauty.

We are energetic beings. We need a clear yes to change direction, or for openings to occur. As in the cases above. As soon as the ‘no’ was uttered, the door to something new appeared. And often its way greater than we’d hoped for.

I’ve observed that even if a No is I’m choosing not to go out, to sit at home, and it feels that I’m choosing nothing, that’s good. The universe doesn’t like a vacuum and it soon fills. Even if that’s sitting writing, drawing, walking, talking on the phone. Of course, I hope as you read this, you see what all of the above is honoring and better than doing something half heartedly, and especially resentfully or ‘because I nothing else to do’ or ‘I’m letting them down’ or ‘I’d feel bad’. Feel bad and do it anyway. Then we need to work on the guilt….that’s the next blog!

It leads me to the ‘maybe’. Which is really a no, that we’ve not realised yet.

So sit and ask yourself. Is that a yes, no or maybe. And if it’s the last two, speak if, own it, and shift it. Sounds like a train ad!

Don’t ponder, procrastinate. Just make the decision and you’ll be back in flow….

And if you ‘don’t know’. You either do, or you will soon.